How to Know What You Feel (When You’re Good at Thinking but Struggle to Sense)
Some people can read a room, read a spreadsheet, read a situation, and still have no idea what is happening inside them. If you are good at thinking, it is easy to become fluent in logic and unfamiliar with feeling.
You might say things like:
“I don’t know what I feel”
“I feel numb”
“I feel flat”
“I’m fine, but I’m not really fine”
“I only realise I’m stressed when I crash”
“I can solve other people’s problems but not my own”
“I don’t trust my reactions”
If any of that lands, you are perfectly normal. You are not failing at being human. Often you are simply out of practice.
This page is a practical guide to rebuilding emotional sensing, in a way that works for analytical minds and busy lives. No performance. No fluff. Just real tools.
What does “I don’t know what I feel” actually mean?
Not knowing what you feel can look like:
you can describe facts but struggle to name emotions
you default to “fine”, “tired”, “stressed”, “busy”
you live in your head and your body feels distant
you are calm until you suddenly are not
you feel overwhelmed by small things and do not know why
you feel emotionally numb or shut down
you feel too much at once and then go blank
Definition:
Not knowing what you feel means your emotional signals are muted, scrambled, or delayed. Your mind still works, but your inner sensing has gone quiet.
This is common in high-functioning people who have been carrying responsibility for a long time. Responsibility through family, work, friends or perceived expectations of others as well as what you think you should be doing.
Why you might be numb, disconnected, or unsure
There are many reasons this happens. These are not character flaws.
1) You have been in survival mode
When life is demanding, the nervous system prioritises function over feeling.
2) You learned that emotions were inconvenient
In some families, workplaces, or cultures, feelings are treated as messy, irrational, or unsafe. So you learn to keep them contained. Or you may have been hurt when you did express how you feel.
3) Your mind became your safe place
Thinking is controlled. Feeling is not. When you needed safety, you likely went to the thing you could control.
4) You have been over-stimulated for years
Noise, screens, urgency, constant input. It dulls the subtle signals of the body.
5) You have not had enough stillness
Stillness is not a luxury. It is where you can actually hear yourself.
If you have not read this article yet, it will support this work too:
How to Reconnect With Yourself (When You Feel Disconnected, Numb or Lost) (link)
If overthinking is also part of the pattern, this one will help:
How to Stop Overthinking (Without Becoming Less You) (link)
The Elemental lens: Water is your feeling world
In Elemental Tribe language, feelings live in Water.
Water is:
emotion
intuition
sensitivity
truth
softness
flow
the ability to be moved without drowning
When Water is underfed, you might feel numb, dry, disconnected, or unable to name what is true.
When Water is overflowing, you might feel emotionally flooded, overwhelmed, reactive, or exhausted by other people.
Water does not need you to be dramatic. It needs you to be honest. And it often needs Earth and Air as support:
Earth makes feelings safe in the body
Air helps you name and understand what you are sensing
How to know what you feel: start with sensation
This is important for analytical minds:
You do not need to start with the perfect emotion word. Start with what is real. Most feelings begin as sensations.
Try this:
tight chest
heavy belly
clenched jaw
warm throat
buzzing arms
tired eyes
restless legs
pressure behind the eyes
Practice: Put a hand on your chest or belly and ask: “What is here right now?”
Do not analyse it. Just notice. This is how sensing returns.
A simple 5-step way to name what you feel
1) Pause
Stop for 30 seconds. That is enough.
2) Locate
Where do you feel it in your body? Chest, throat, belly, face, shoulders, hands.
3) Describe (without emotion words)
Is it tight, heavy, hot, cold, numb, buzzing, fluttery, hollow?
4) Name a category
Try one of these broad categories:
fear
sadness
anger
joy
shame
grief
desire
relief
tenderness
You are not trying to be precise. You are trying to make contact and to map connections and pattern. No need to memorise them, your body knows.
5) Offer one true sentence
Finish with: “The truth is…”
Examples:
“The truth is I am scared of being judged.”
“The truth is I am tired of being the strong one.”
“The truth is I want more space.”
“The truth is I feel lonely.”
Truth is the bridge between feeling and self-trust. This can raise things you have buried for quite some time, be prepared to make changes.
10 tiny practices to rebuild emotional sensing
These are small on purpose. Subtle work needs gentle consistency.
1) Replace “fine” with one real word
Try: calm, flat, irritated, tender, overwhelmed, shut down, hopeful, disappointed.
2) Use the “weather report”
Once a day ask: “What is my inner weather?”
Cloudy. Bright. Windy. Foggy. Heavy. Clear.
3) The 5-4-3-2-1 return
5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste.
Then breathe slowly and sigh out audibly. Do this three times.
This calms the system so feelings can be felt safely.
4) One minute of stillness
No fixing. No insight hunting. Just sit and notice.
5) Feelings list on your phone
Save 20 emotion words of varied feelings. Or use an emotion wheel. When you feel blank, pick one that seems closest.
6) The “what do I need?” question
If you cannot name the feeling, ask: “What do I need right now?”
Often need reveals feeling.
7) Do not argue with your feeling
If you notice sadness, do not talk yourself out of it. Notice it like a tide. Let it flow through you, for as long as it needs. 1 minute, 1 hour or 1 day.
8) Move Water through the body
Walk. Shake out your arms. Stretch. Shower, swim or have a bath. Cry if you need to. Drink water.
9) Speak it to someone safe
Feelings become clearer when witnessed by a calm nervous system.
10) Nature contact without input
Ten minutes outside. No phone. Let your body recalibrate.
Nature helps you feel without forcing.
What if you feel too much?
Sometimes numbness is not the issue. Flooding is.
If you feel overwhelmed by emotion:
start with Earth first (food, water, sleep, walking) all in moderation.
reduce stimulation
return to the senses
focus on one feeling at a time
choose support rather than isolation
Your system is not wrong. It is asking for safety and pacing.
How feelings connect to self-trust
Self-trust is not confidence. Self-trust is knowing you can listen to yourself, respond honestly, and adjust. If you cannot feel what you feel, you will default to thinking, pleasing, performing, or avoiding.
If you can feel what you feel, you have data. And when you have data, you can choose.
This is why emotional sensing is not indulgent. It is practical.
The best first step (if you want something simple)
Take the Elemental Balance Quiz (link).
It will help you see:
whether Air is running the show
whether Water is underfed or overflowing
what balance looks like for you
and what to do next, without overwhelm
Work with me (if you want support)
If you have spent years living in your head, coming back to feeling can be unfamiliar. You do not have to do it alone.
I work 1:1 with thoughtful, capable humans who want to feel like themselves again, not by becoming better, but by cutting through the noise.
You can start with one sentence:
“I don’t know what I feel, but I want to explore.”
Book a call (link)
See Offers (link)
Ask a question (link)
FAQs
Why don’t I know what I feel?
Common reasons include stress, burnout, emotional suppression, trauma, overthinking, long-term responsibility, and living with constant stimulation and urgency.
Is emotional numbness normal?
It is common, especially in high-functioning people. Numbness is often a protective response from the nervous system.
How do I feel my emotions again?
Start with sensation, not stories. Use body-based grounding, small doses of stillness, and gentle truth-telling.
How do I know if I’m sad or just tired?
Tiredness often improves with rest. Sadness often remains even when you rest, and may come with heaviness, tears, or a sense of loss.
How do I stop avoiding my feelings?
Make it smaller. Feelings are easier to meet in small, safe moments than in a full collapse. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 return and one true sentence.
Can overthinking stop you feeling emotions?
Yes. Overthinking often acts as a lid. It keeps you “safe” by keeping you away from emotional uncertainty.
What if I feel too much at once?
Start with grounding, reduce stimulation, and work with one feeling at a time. You may need support to pace this safely.
Does nature help you process emotions?
Yes. Nature supports sensory regulation and can make feelings feel safer and less overwhelming.
What’s the difference between intuition and anxiety?
Intuition tends to be quieter and cleaner. Anxiety tends to be loud, urgent, catastrophic, and repetitive. If you are unsure, return to the body and slow down.
When should I get professional help?
If you feel persistently hopeless, unsafe, or unable to function, or if emotions feel unmanageable, seek professional support. This page is not a substitute for medical care.
